Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. – Khalil Gibran
This week, I have felt stuck, not just a little bit but waist high in thick, gooey, black tar which was quickly setting in the sun. Oh boy! How did I end up here? How did I let my thoughts some how turn from rainbows and butterflies to quick sand and black tar? What did I miss? How did this happen or better yet, why did I let this happen?
Monday morning 9 am – my boxes were delivered! I know the exact moment I saw ‘suffering’ enter my apartment for the first time. Its not really an emotion but a state, and it’s a state of mind which I somewhat let engulf me for the majority of this week. Over the last year, I have learnt to experience my emotions or states of being as it is all part of the process or journey. While I love experiencing the emotions of joy, happiness, love, adventure etc, I somewhat find it uncomfortable and well to be honest difficult to deal with the ones which aren’t so pleasant such as doubt, shame, frustration, anger and now suffering. I don’t wallow in them and I just let them be there, feel it, draw it, write it and see what else comes out. I try hard to keep my daily routine of walks, yoga, cups of tea, eating good food, smiling, talking and hugging people. But then walked in avoidance and things started going wrong fast I dropped something on my sore toe, my groin muscle was tight in yoga and I couldn’t stop thinking about, my breathing was shallow, I missed the bus, there is no fresh coconuts left, I hit my head on the cupboard and I cut my finger in the sink. FML! Instead of acknowledging how I was feeling I was actually denying myself the opportunity.
So I sat down and I said to myself please feel this, wallow and truly realise that this ‘suffering’ is only a state of mind. An hour later and changing how I looked at ‘suffering’, (which would only lead onto stress) I choose to view it as a ‘challenge’ and said this pain is only temporary. I high fived myself, washed the dishes and created a big to do list of challenges. I set the task of doing one thing at a time on that list and rewarded myself in the process which was working on what I would rather be doing, art, writing, cooking and eating – I balanced my yin and my yang.
Change and well to be fair moving is one of the most stressful things I personally have experienced this time and the times before. Currently, its hard I’m fighting the urge to jump up and down because I am about to embark on the most amazing adventure of my life to curling myself up into the smallest ball and hide in the corner. However, giving myself permission to feel what I am feeling is liberating. I have had a sea of emotions this week, my seven year anniversary in Hong Kong, packing up my flat, sorting, reading past journals, feeling a little bit nostalgic, laughing at old memories and photos. I have come an almighty way in those seven years and I am so proud of myself and of what I have accomplished. Yesterday, I was asked what I will miss most about Hong Kong and I easily said nothing but the friendships which I have formed (that has easily been the best gift).
I am truly grateful of all the friendships, I have formed in Hong Kong and which are now flittered also across the globe but I am also grateful for all my friendships which continue to grow. Tomorrow my boxes go to Ballarat (so not the right destination but it will do for now), then I can then set the next task of enjoying my last three weeks with some of the people who have made this Hong Kong adventure so great and get excited for the new adventure!
Looking back isn’t going to help you. Moving forward is the thing you have to do. – McKayla Maroney
❤ and gratitude